Get Past the Hate

My May 2011 posting “Things Your Boss Secretly Hates About You” has logged quite a bit of readership. It’s my 4th most popular post of the 138 I have published. Some of that may be attributed to the slightly inflammatory title designed to grab attention. But there’s more to it than that, and I get a glimpse into the interest when I review what people have entered into search engines that have led them to my blog:

“annoying boss”

“hate boss”

“how to avoid a boss that hates you”

“how to tell if you boss hates you”

“when your boss hates you”

I wrote “Things Your Boss Secretly Hates About You” in the hope that some people would think about how they could change their behavior and create a better relationship with their boss. You can’t prosper in your job without finding a way to have a constructive relationship with your supervisor. Here are some ideas about how to improve the situation:

In an adult and professional way, encourage your boss to communicate what they want from you. You want to be successful. Any competent manager should be willing and able to provide ideas about how to improve in your role.

Figure out what you can do to make your boss more successful. If they are focused on their own career goals more than yours, you may be most successful with your boss by making him/her look good. You may not get direct credit immediately – but they will recognize your contribution and come to rely on it. Others will take notice too.

You don’t have to like your boss. But you will be more accepting and less frustrated if you can find some things to respect about them. Perhaps he is a budget/funding whiz. Maybe she is good at deflecting office politics so you don’t have to deal with them. He coaches Little League. She loves animals. If you can appreciate your boss on some level, and show interest in that aspect of their skills or character, you may soften their attitude.

Make it easy for your boss to see and understand how you are contributing to strategic goals. Submit a regular status report that lists your accomplishments. This not only keeps your boss informed – it highlights your productivity. Have the initiative to do this even if it has not been specifically requested.

Ask your boss for advice that will help you learn and grow. Don’t just drop a problem in their lap, but don’t be afraid to ask for clarification, perspective, or feedback on your ideas. You want to be sure that your work product meets their needs. At the same time, you can show your appreciation of their knowledge and experience.

Be honest in your desire to improve your relations. Your boss may be behaving badly. If you are straightforward with them, you may jolt them into improving their behavior. In a private meeting, you may need to say something like, “I sense tension between us, and it makes me uncomfortable. How can we strengthen our relationship?” Remember – be adult and professional.

Lastly, and most importantly, you must be honest with yourself. You may have earned a bad attitude from your boss. Are you habitually late? Are you a naysayer? Have you failed to deliver on critical goals? Do you exhibit a lack of enthusiasm for your responsibilities? If you know you are at fault – you must be willing to change.

Things Your Boss Secretly Hates About You

Hate is such a strong word; but just as you sometimes hate your boss – they hate you back for the annoying, thoughtless, obstructive things you do. Many times, they swallow their most base reactions and don’t tell you about them. If your boss is highly evolved, you may have heard some of these criticisms as feedback or in a counseling session. Assuming that your boss is a reasonable human being and a fairly good supervisor (a big assumption, I know), try to avoid these behavior pitfalls in the workplace:

When the going gets tough, your boss expects to see you exhibit a sense of urgency. Otherwise, they are afraid that you don’t “get it”. That important assignment with a time deadline requires you to scurry/make haste/haul ass. Why are you still standing there?

Please don’t put your future entirely in your boss’s hands, expecting them to orchestrate your career. You must articulate your own career goals. Your boss is neither your parent nor your guidance counselor. Stop looking at them with those big, trusting eyes. Carve out your own career and ask for the help they can reasonably provide to achieve the goals you have defined for yourself.

Hard and competent work will lead to rewards. When promoted, the last thing you can allow yourself is to take on an “I’ve Arrived” attitude and downshift to a lower gear. Learn that you must keep working hard to maintain your position and your reputation. Otherwise, you have proven to your boss that they made a mistake in judgment about you.

It can be valuable to offer a “Devil’s Advocate” perspective on a proposed approach to solving a problem. But nobody likes a constant hole-poker. Bring ideas and solutions to the table, not just more problems.

Your boss is often your mentor too. When you don’t appreciate that and verbalize your thanks, your boss wonders if their efforts are just trickling down a rat hole. That makes them wonder why they try.

A last bit of advice… Keep asking how you can work on your weaknesses. You may actually get some good advice.

If you liked this posting, you may also be interested in: Get Past the Hate.  It includes constructive ideas about how to improve relations with your boss.

How To Be A Bad Boss

It’s hard to verbalize all the attributes that make someone in management a good boss. But, after many years of experience in the workplace, I do have some firm ideas about what makes a bad boss. If you want your employees to despise you, here are some sure-fire ingredients for leadership failure:

• Be close-minded and keep doing things the way they’ve always been done. Ridicule anyone who makes suggestions for positive change.
• Publicly and repeatedly claim the success of your team as your own, with no mention of the efforts of your employees.
• Ensure that people that work for you that do a good job stay in their position for years and years. Allowing them to be promoted up and out would disrupt your operation.
• Be sure that you give more credence to ideas that come from highly paid consultants than those generated by your experienced team.
• Don’t trust anyone (however experienced they may be) to do their job without incessant needling, pushing, and questioning from you. It’s your job to keep them on their toes.
• Being remote and inaccessible suits your position of importance. If an employee comes to you for help, push the challenge back into their court and make it clear that you’ll be disappointed if they can’t work it out.
• You are the idea guy/gal, so be sure you not only tell your team what to do, but exactly how to do it.
• Minimize risk by squelching creativity. You can’t afford to make a mistake and look foolish.
• Make sure any training you authorize doesn’t interfere with real work.
• Business is serious – discourage levity in your workplace.
• Push on relentlessly from challenge to challenge. There’s no time to celebrate when there is so much still to accomplish.
• “Rank Hath Its Privileges”, which include vendor-purchased or hosted trips, gifts, and fancy dinners you have earned.
• Instill a little fear in your team members. It’s good motivation.
• Always balance the occasional compliment with a well-chosen criticism.
• Enlighten your subordinates only on a “need to know” basis. Explaining context and strategy to them is a waste of time.
• NEVER admit that you’ve made a mistake.

There’s so much material for this subject! Chime in, and contribute your own bad boss experience.