Get Past the Hate

My May 2011 posting “Things Your Boss Secretly Hates About You” has logged quite a bit of readership. It’s my 4th most popular post of the 138 I have published. Some of that may be attributed to the slightly inflammatory title designed to grab attention. But there’s more to it than that, and I get a glimpse into the interest when I review what people have entered into search engines that have led them to my blog:

“annoying boss”

“hate boss”

“how to avoid a boss that hates you”

“how to tell if you boss hates you”

“when your boss hates you”

I wrote “Things Your Boss Secretly Hates About You” in the hope that some people would think about how they could change their behavior and create a better relationship with their boss. You can’t prosper in your job without finding a way to have a constructive relationship with your supervisor. Here are some ideas about how to improve the situation:

In an adult and professional way, encourage your boss to communicate what they want from you. You want to be successful. Any competent manager should be willing and able to provide ideas about how to improve in your role.

Figure out what you can do to make your boss more successful. If they are focused on their own career goals more than yours, you may be most successful with your boss by making him/her look good. You may not get direct credit immediately – but they will recognize your contribution and come to rely on it. Others will take notice too.

You don’t have to like your boss. But you will be more accepting and less frustrated if you can find some things to respect about them. Perhaps he is a budget/funding whiz. Maybe she is good at deflecting office politics so you don’t have to deal with them. He coaches Little League. She loves animals. If you can appreciate your boss on some level, and show interest in that aspect of their skills or character, you may soften their attitude.

Make it easy for your boss to see and understand how you are contributing to strategic goals. Submit a regular status report that lists your accomplishments. This not only keeps your boss informed – it highlights your productivity. Have the initiative to do this even if it has not been specifically requested.

Ask your boss for advice that will help you learn and grow. Don’t just drop a problem in their lap, but don’t be afraid to ask for clarification, perspective, or feedback on your ideas. You want to be sure that your work product meets their needs. At the same time, you can show your appreciation of their knowledge and experience.

Be honest in your desire to improve your relations. Your boss may be behaving badly. If you are straightforward with them, you may jolt them into improving their behavior. In a private meeting, you may need to say something like, “I sense tension between us, and it makes me uncomfortable. How can we strengthen our relationship?” Remember – be adult and professional.

Lastly, and most importantly, you must be honest with yourself. You may have earned a bad attitude from your boss. Are you habitually late? Are you a naysayer? Have you failed to deliver on critical goals? Do you exhibit a lack of enthusiasm for your responsibilities? If you know you are at fault – you must be willing to change.