Don't Be a Lazy Stranger

Why do people send generic requests to make social/professional connections with people they don’t know?  The charitable way to look at this is to assume that they actually have a good reason they would like to develop a relationship.  My more cynical side knows that there are people who have less legitimate motives, such as (A) Oddballs that “collect” connections, trying to reach some silly, arbitrary number, or (B) Leeches that want to grab onto your coattails to gain benefit secondhand from your connections.

You CAN reach out to people you don’t actually know, if you have a legitimate reason to do so.  Here’s how:

1.       ALWAYS ADD A COURTEOUS NOTE explaining why you want to connect.  I can’t count the number of LinkedIn connection requests I have received from strangers who do not provide that courtesy.  I purposely ignore them.
2.       MAKE IT PERSONAL.  Your request to connect should always be personalized.  For example, you could point out that you are fellow alumni, explain that you follow their blog and have learned a lot from it, say that you are looking for a contact within their organization because you are applying for a position, or that you appreciate them for providing a thoughtful answer to a question you posted to LinkedIn.  Pointing out commonalities and/or employing a little sincere flattery can go a long way.
3.       GIVE A LITTLE of yourself.  Remember that your target will be thinking, “Why should I connect with this person?”  What do you have to offer that may enhance their network?
4.       PROVIDE A REFERENCE.  Do you have a friend/colleague in common?  If so, refer to the nature of your relationship with that person.
5.       ASK FOR AN INTRODUCTION through a common connection.  It is not always appropriate or effective for you to approach a stranger directly, especially when the person is a high-profile professional.

I enjoy meeting and corresponding with professionals with like interests, but I will continue to ignore requests to connect that come from lazy strangers.

Techno-Enabled Avoidance

Technology makes us more efficient, allowing us to connect easily and frequently with friends,family, and colleagues. But for how many professionals does it become a crutch that actually hobbles their ability to develop healthy business relationships?

I have personally witnessed all of these unfortunate real life scenarios enabled by technology:

• Colleagues in adjoining offices, firing emails back and forth to each other instead of getting out from behind their desks and having a face-to-face conversation.
• People failing to contribute in meetings because they are reading and responding to text messages on their cell phones instead.
• Mean-spirited, cowardly things written in email that the sender would never have the gall to say in person.
• People "multi-tasking" during a teleconference, because no one can see that they aren't truly engaged in the virtual gathering.
• Using Caller ID as a means to avoid business calls.
• Dialing into a meeting when you really should be there in person.
• Surfing the internet during a meeting (pretending to take notes on the proceedings). 
• An executive failing to connect in person with a direct report in the same office - for OVER A YEAR.

Beware of creating personal disconnects by using technology to avoid face-to-face contact. Instead... Go out of your way to meet colleagues in your office. Have a sit-down with your boss for a status update. Walk around the department and say good morning to your co-workers. Work through a challenge with someone, using a white board and markers. Invite a new employee out to lunch. Sit down and chat with the boss's administrative assistant. Carve out a little technology-free time to do some strategic thinking, and scribble some ideas in a notebook. Stick your head into the boss's office at around 5pm to have a chat. Provide casual, constructive feedback on performance to your employees (and NOT via email). Send a hand-written thank you card to a colleague or vendor. Smile at people you encounter in the office hallways.

Make time to temporarily turn your back on technology and tune in first-hand with the people around you. The quality of the relationships you build will improve, and pay dividends throughout your career.

Weak Ties - Strong Benefits

Back in 1973 a groundbreaking study about networking was published by Mark Granovetter in the American Journal of Sociology. The title was “The Strength of Weak Ties”. It introduced the now widely accepted theory that weak (or less direct) relationships in our personal network generate results more effectively than direct or strong ties. A broader network results in exposure to more diverse ideas and opportunities. Granovetter wrote another study in 1983, expounding on his original theory. If you are interested, I located his paper online at "The Strength of Weak Ties: A Network Theory Revisited". In my corporate days I was “too busy to spend time on networking”. Therefore, my network was very dense, in my case meaning that I knew few people outside my work environment. Most of us knew the same people and a lot of the same things in the narrow sphere of business in which we normally operated. Busy people like me didn’t spend time purposefully developing relationships with acquaintances or friends of friends. We had our noses to the grindstone, safely within our comfortable, dense little network. I didn’t see the issue at the time, but I do now. In today’s economic climate, if you need to find employment or want to improve or upgrade your current job, the people closest to you in your network are the least likely to be in a position to help. Your close friends often travel in the same circles, but a friend of a friend is privy to a whole different network of people and information. A whole new world can be opened up by expanding your list of contacts and communicating effectively with them. How do you expand your network into a “low-density” network? Cultivating a broader network takes effort and focus, and a spirit of giving. To begin with, get to know people that are connected to your job more tangentially than your co-workers, such as contractors, consultants, or vendors. Keep relationships alive that were born during cross-functional projects. Stay in touch with people you meet at conferences or in training classes. Connect meaningfully with people you meet in religious and/or community organizations. Search out others with passions and interests that overlap yours, and develop a connection. Get out and do new things. Be free with help and advice. Exchange phone numbers and email addresses. Make a phone call just to stay in touch. Drop someone a note or contact them online. A healthy network requires constant work. Reach out and expand your network through your weak ties. I guarantee you will realize benefits you never expected.