Don't Be a Lazy Stranger

Why do people send generic requests to make social/professional connections with people they don’t know?  The charitable way to look at this is to assume that they actually have a good reason they would like to develop a relationship.  My more cynical side knows that there are people who have less legitimate motives, such as (A) Oddballs that “collect” connections, trying to reach some silly, arbitrary number, or (B) Leeches that want to grab onto your coattails to gain benefit secondhand from your connections.

You CAN reach out to people you don’t actually know, if you have a legitimate reason to do so.  Here’s how:

1.       ALWAYS ADD A COURTEOUS NOTE explaining why you want to connect.  I can’t count the number of LinkedIn connection requests I have received from strangers who do not provide that courtesy.  I purposely ignore them.
2.       MAKE IT PERSONAL.  Your request to connect should always be personalized.  For example, you could point out that you are fellow alumni, explain that you follow their blog and have learned a lot from it, say that you are looking for a contact within their organization because you are applying for a position, or that you appreciate them for providing a thoughtful answer to a question you posted to LinkedIn.  Pointing out commonalities and/or employing a little sincere flattery can go a long way.
3.       GIVE A LITTLE of yourself.  Remember that your target will be thinking, “Why should I connect with this person?”  What do you have to offer that may enhance their network?
4.       PROVIDE A REFERENCE.  Do you have a friend/colleague in common?  If so, refer to the nature of your relationship with that person.
5.       ASK FOR AN INTRODUCTION through a common connection.  It is not always appropriate or effective for you to approach a stranger directly, especially when the person is a high-profile professional.

I enjoy meeting and corresponding with professionals with like interests, but I will continue to ignore requests to connect that come from lazy strangers.

Accentuate the Positive

You've got to accentuate the positive

Eliminate the negative

And latch on to the affirmative

Don't mess with Mister In-Between

-Lyrics by Johnny Mercer (1944)

It’s easy to criticize and be a naysayer. We all do it to some degree. But some years ago I heard a speaker at a conference talk about trying to eliminate negative-speak from our everyday language, and the challenge stuck with me.

Try filtering what you say and replacing negative statements with positive re-wording. Start by raising your own red flag when you begin sentences with words like, “I can’t”, “We shouldn’t”, “Let’s not”, “I don’t think”, “Don’t”, “We won’t”, “You didn’t”, “I don’t like”… Your hackles probably are immediately activated when you hear those words.

Instead of: “I can’t do that.”

Try: “It might be better if I did this.”

Instead of: “We shouldn’t accept that behavior.”
Try: “Let’s see if we can get them to do this.”

Instead of: “I don’t think that's a bad idea.”
Try: “That might be a good idea.”

Instead of: “You didn’t do what I told you to do.”

Try: “Let’s review my expectations again.”

Negative speaking is a hard habit to break.  Using the right words is powerful, and the results are rewarding. Speak (and write) in the affirmative and build more trusting relationships, improve morale, and be seen as a constructive influence in the workplace. Accentuate the positive!

How Much is Too Much?

There were stretches in my career when I gave almost more than I had to my employer. I traveled constantly, pulled all-nighters, worked seven days a week, and worked around chemotherapy treatments when I had cancer. I always felt like it was worth it. However, I married at thirty-five, never had children, and retired from corporate life at fifty-two. My situation is not the norm.

In this era of high-unemployment and high expectations for productivity, how do you decide whether your professional efforts are worth the personal cost? There is no definitive answer, but I can spotlight some warning signs that fall into two major categories:

YOUR HEALTH IS SUFFERING

• You don’t get enough sleep, because you have some degree of insomnia. Your work responsibilities intrude into your “offline” thoughts and don’t allow you to relax.

• Weight gain is an issue, for a number of reasons. For example, you eat out too much because of travel, or you get home too late to make a decent meal, or you are seriously hating life and feel like you deserve to eat what makes you happy.

• You “don’t have time” to work out.

• Digestion issues plague you. Indigestion, constipation, diarrhea, heartburn, and/or ulcers.

• Self-Medication issues, including over-consumption of alcohol or painkillers, which you “need” to relax.

• You ignore worrying symptoms, because you would rather not know if you have a serious health issue.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH LOVED ONES ARE AFFECTED

• Your most important relations are jeopardized. Specifically, you don’t have enough quality time to spend with your significant other – intimately, socially, or at leisure.

• Family events just cannot get purchase on your calendar, because of work commitments.

• You rarely get to see your children play, perform, or achieve, although they are rapidly growing up.

• Birthday, Anniversary, Graduation, and Confirmation wishes are missed or belated, because you just can’t keep up.

• Vacations are paid time off that is sacrificed. There is no time.

• You are ALWAYS “connected” to work, via email or text messages. Your boss expects an immediate answer.

There should be boundaries to employment’s intrusion on your personal life. There may be an exception if you are a CEO or an Executive Vice President (in which case you ARE your job). How much of your life blood do you plan to sacrifice for a paycheck? Sometimes, there is a point where too much is asked. That is the time to explore alternatives for your life and your loved ones.

What Goes Around Comes Around

Office politics pose an insidious threat to your career. The really sneaky aspect of it is that you can do the worst damage to yourself through your own misguided actions. Then throw in twists and turns over which you have little or no control, and the picture can quickly become ugly.

I believe that competence, attitude, and relationships in the workplace are the most important contributors to your career success. Today’s subject is relationships.

A business career can last upwards of 30 years. Over time, many associates will depart your work sphere forever, but a surprising number become constants, and others leave but return unexpectedly. Developing positive and mutually-beneficial relationships with many people will be important to your long-term reputation and success. Here are three real-life (anonymous) vignettes:

Bill is a capable and ambitious mid-career executive. Circumstances presented an opportunity to improve his position in the organization. When he saw his chance, he moved quickly with a singular focus. He stepped on a few people along the way and ignored his responsibility to assist others that he had previously offered to help (because he was busy on his primary goals). A recent change in the senior management team now threatens his position. Bill is looking for allies to support him and make him feel “safe”, and is surprised to find few willing to stick their necks out for him.

Wanda was an established executive. For years, she reveled in her title and the accompanying privileges, bullying those who questioned her authority or methods of operation. Wanda had a long history with a key senior executive, and seemed to “get away” with outrageous behavior not tolerated from others (and resented by many). Her protective mentor left the company. The organization in transition reorganized her department. Wanda was demoted. Suddenly she finds herself without privilege and facing the resentment previously squelched by her peers and subordinates.

Todd was brought into the enterprise with no previous experience in the industry he was entering. His boss assigned Laura, an experienced low-level manager, to teach him the ropes and help Todd achieve success in his new executive position. Laura took her responsibility seriously and spent many hours working with Todd. Todd was unappreciative and became an imperious and domineering supervisor to Laura, who left the company shortly thereafter. A few years later, Todd applied for a position at the same company for which Laura worked. Laura’s boss asked for her opinion about adding Todd to the team. Todd did not get Laura’s endorsement…nor did he get the position.

Treat your co-workers with respect. While you work on your business goals, help your peers achieve theirs as well. Appreciate the assistance you get from colleagues, and thank them often and publicly. Cheer the success of others. Help plan and advance the careers of those who work for you. Do things to make your boss successful. Earn a reputation for consistently doing the right thing. Be pleasant to be around. What goes around comes around- every time! (Sometimes it just takes the passage of time and circumstance to be obvious.)

Techno-Enabled Avoidance

Technology makes us more efficient, allowing us to connect easily and frequently with friends,family, and colleagues. But for how many professionals does it become a crutch that actually hobbles their ability to develop healthy business relationships?

I have personally witnessed all of these unfortunate real life scenarios enabled by technology:

• Colleagues in adjoining offices, firing emails back and forth to each other instead of getting out from behind their desks and having a face-to-face conversation.
• People failing to contribute in meetings because they are reading and responding to text messages on their cell phones instead.
• Mean-spirited, cowardly things written in email that the sender would never have the gall to say in person.
• People "multi-tasking" during a teleconference, because no one can see that they aren't truly engaged in the virtual gathering.
• Using Caller ID as a means to avoid business calls.
• Dialing into a meeting when you really should be there in person.
• Surfing the internet during a meeting (pretending to take notes on the proceedings). 
• An executive failing to connect in person with a direct report in the same office - for OVER A YEAR.

Beware of creating personal disconnects by using technology to avoid face-to-face contact. Instead... Go out of your way to meet colleagues in your office. Have a sit-down with your boss for a status update. Walk around the department and say good morning to your co-workers. Work through a challenge with someone, using a white board and markers. Invite a new employee out to lunch. Sit down and chat with the boss's administrative assistant. Carve out a little technology-free time to do some strategic thinking, and scribble some ideas in a notebook. Stick your head into the boss's office at around 5pm to have a chat. Provide casual, constructive feedback on performance to your employees (and NOT via email). Send a hand-written thank you card to a colleague or vendor. Smile at people you encounter in the office hallways.

Make time to temporarily turn your back on technology and tune in first-hand with the people around you. The quality of the relationships you build will improve, and pay dividends throughout your career.

A Bow to Experience

Today is the day after Fathers Day in the U.S.  Fathers Day is particularly poignant for those of us who have lost our dads.  This weekend, many precious memories played like movies in my mind. I also spent some time ruminating on how my father's guidance made me the person and professional that I am.

You can pursue something similar by seeking mentoring relationships in your workplace.  An official program is not required. Is there an experienced person in your organization you particularly admire, whose successful career you would like to emulate?  If so, you can approach that person and explore the possibility of establishing a mentor/protege relationship.  Why not?

Preparation is important before asking for help from a mentor.  Think about what you want from a relationship - and be realistic. (Don't expect to earn a promotion by cozying up to a senior executive.  That's not what mentoring is about.)  Instead, define two or three overarching goals for your professional development.  Think about what sort of information and experience your mentor can share with you that would help you move toward accomplishing your goals.  Focusing in on what you want from the relationship will make the experience mutually rewarding.

Part of the value of a mentor's input is for you to get a perspective that is more objective than yours and your immediate supervisors.  Open your mind.  Examine what is offered from all sides.  Ask questions.  Share your concerns and ideas.  Try new things.  Tell how the help provided has affected your performance.  In short, make the most of the value of the mentoring relationship.  Think about what you can/are giving in return.

Are you hesitant because you think there's nothing in it for the mentor?  That's not true.  Many people in the later stages of their careers find great fulfillment in helping others achieve their goals.  It's part of preparing the next wave of leaders to take the reigns.  Those that have "been there - done that" like knowing that sharing their experience can educate and help others be more effective and successful.

Approach a prospective mentor.  Bow to their experience. Learn and be enriched. Someday you can pay it forward.  

Uncommon Courtesy

Studies show that difficult relationships have more negative impact on work morale than anything else. Conversely, people who work well together and enjoy being part of a professional team find more job satisfaction. A major contributing factor to a pleasant work environment is common courtesy. In today’s workplace, courtesy is not always the norm! I bet you’ve had to deal with some of these issues on a regular basis: People who don’t return phone calls…The bum that takes the last cup of coffee and doesn’t make more…Petty gossip mongers…The manager that never offers a word of thanks…The peer who tries to take credit for your idea or work…Rude or confrontational email…Unrealistic demands…Team members who don’t do their share of the work…That person that’s always late for meetings… Hey, I was in the corporate world for almost 30 years – I could go on with real life examples of rude and thoughtless behavior. The lack of common courtesy is annoying in itself, but there are insidious side effects. Employees who experience uncivil treatment report lower job satisfaction. They start avoiding their jobs through repeated tardiness, unnecessary sick days, and reduced productivity. The office battlefield takes its toll. A culture of courtesy can be established by laying simple groundwork. Senior management must establish policies. Management should be role models and consistently set a good example. Performance evaluations should address a worker’s ability to operate effectively and courteously in the workplace. Unfortunately, many managers today don’t know how (or are afraid to) confront an employee exhibiting bad behavior. Without coaching there will be no improvement. Years ago, I worked on a senior-level team fraught with behavior problems. We finally had a come-to-Jesus meeting with our boss (a former Army sergeant) who confronted us as a group, “You don’t have to be friends or even like each other. But you will respect each other as human beings and behave accordingly, or you will no longer be part of this team.” It wasn’t pretty, but it had to be said. What’s interesting is that things actually got worse and, within months, two of the executives resigned and moved on. Then things got better! My advice to you is to do your part to create pleasant surroundings as part of the norm in your office. Politics can get ugly – you can rise above it. People deserve recognition when they do good work – be sure they get it. When faced with rudeness – respond with grace. The more people yell – the more softly you can reply. We can all strive to set the proper example. For those of us with naturally aggressive spirits, it can be a challenge not to respond in kind to offenders. Consider this… The secret to the Japanese martial art Aikido is to blend with the motion of the attacker and redirect the force of the attack rather than facing it head on, allowing practitioners to defend themselves while protecting their attacker from injury. That seems a wonderfully wise form of uncommon courtesy.

Relationships Make the Difference

In our neighborhood in Chicago there are two good little Italian restaurants in close proximity to our condo. They are Pizza Rustica and Fornello’s. We can easily walk to either establishment. Less than a city block separates the two. They both serve pizza and other Italian dishes, including salads, pasta, and other entrees with chicken, veal, or seafood. Both have outdoor patios during good weather. Pizza Rustica is a BYOB establishment. Fornello’s has wine and a full bar, or you can BYOB for a modest corkage fee. The prices are reasonable at both restaurants, and the service pleasant and quick. So why do we find ourselves going more often to Fornello’s than Pizza Rustica? Because the servers at Fornello’s have made us feel like valued patrons, from the first time we set foot in their place. These days, we are greeted enthusiastically by name. They know our favorite foods and beverages, and go out of their way to let us know what’s good that evening. If we fancy something not on the menu, they have the kitchen make it especially for us. Two of Fornello’s waiters should be recognized by name… Aldo is warm and charming. The last time he waited on us, I asked for advice on dining in Italy (for an upcoming trip). We had an animated conversation, and Aldo had great recommendations and advice for us. Later he came back with everything painstakingly written down, to be sure we had all the details. Aldo got so excited about thinking and talking about eating in Italy, as we left he said, “Now, I have to go in the back and cry.” Alfredo commiserates with us about dieting and exercise. Every time we see him he says we’ve lost more weight – and we are always pleased and flattered (even though it’s not true). Several months ago, we saw Alfredo walking in the neighborhood. He shouted a greeting, waved, and ran across the street to chat with us. It was a heartwarming encounter. We like Pizza Rustica’s food. But we spend more time and money at Fornello’s because relationships make the difference.